Three tips to write kids’ rhymes that don’t suck.

I’ve talked about rhyme before… but today, I’m here to help you make your rhymes better.

Let’s imagine we’re writing a cute rhyming book about a little penguin named Bridget.  Here’s Bridget:

Let’s introduce her – along the with the central story problem – with a rhyming couplet:

Bridget’s a penguin who lives by the sea
But when it comes to fish, she’s rather picky.

We’re off to a great start, except…this rhyme sucks.

Here are three tips to tweak your own rhymes and help make Bridget’s story great along the way!

1.  Meter, meter, meter

It’s not enough for the last syllable to rhyme – if the syllables don’t match up, you don’t have a rhyme.  Sorry, every Jewish kids’ book that’s been published in the last forever, but it’s true.

Brid	get’s	a	peng	uin	who	lives	by	the	sea
But	when	it	comes	to	fish	she’s	ra	ther	pi	cky

Waah!  An extra syllable.  No wonder it sucks.  Let’s try to trim it a bit tighter.  The first line has ten syllables, which is a nice round number.  Let’s keep it and fix the second line instead.

Brid	get’s	a	peng	uin	who	lives	by	the	sea
But	she	won’t	eat	fish;	she’s	far	too	pi	cky.

Better – a little.

2.  Don’t force the rhyme.

Time to write the next couplet about Bridget.

Fish were what Bridget could really not stand.
But sandwiches were the best that she planned.

Yay!  It rhymes.  But, um, when was the last time you “planned” a sandwich???

Seriously, you can’t force the words.  “Planned” isn’t a word we think of in connection with sandwich.  You can’t get so stuck on a word you love (“stand”) that you can’t find a really decent rhyme that makes sense.  Using a rhyming site like RhymeZone (cautiously!!), I can come up with a slightly better version that lets me keep the word I like:

Fish were what Bridget could really not stand.
”No fish, mum!” she’d cry, her royal command.

Better – a little.

3.  Make it move the story!

Here’s what I come up with next, and this time, I think it’s absolutely brilliant:

She played upon a lute and zither
Came home daily all a-dither.

It sure is a nice, sweet rhyme.  Too bad it sucks!  If I keep these lines in the book, it’s probably because I’ve fallen in love with them and not my story.

How are these lines connected to the first two couplets?  We’re dying to hear more about this picky little penguin and her eating habits… not about her musical hobbies.  And what the heck does a dithering penguin look like?  Let’s try these lines instead:

And so her mother quickly learned
To make a sandwich, unconcerned.

Better – a little.

Here’s what we’ve got so far:

Bridget’s a penguin who lives by the sea,
But she won’t eat fish; she’s rather picky.

Fish were what Bridget could really not stand.
”No fish, mum!” she’d cry, her royal command.

And so her mother quickly learned
To make a sandwich, unconcerned.

I’ll be honest, it’s still not great, but it’s a start, and it’s better.  So often, I’ve seen these three rules violated, and the result is awful, awful, awful. 

At least if you let these three tips guide you, you have a penguin’s chance in sandwichland of coming up with a great children’s story in rhyme.

Some helpful further reading:

• Rhyming Picture Books from Nosy Crow Publishers
• Rhyme = Rejection Letter? Rhyming children’s picture books from writer / illustrator Tracey Preston Cook
• 5 Tips For Increasing The International Appeal Of Your Children’s Rhyme from writer Eric James
• How *not* to write a rhyming picture book (or If it's good enough for Old King Cole...) by writer/reader Juliet Clare Bell (added by reader suggestion!)

Bonus challenge:  can you dream up a new couplet to add to Bridget’s story???  If you can, toss in a link to your blog, your book, whatever you want, so other visitors can come find you!